Love from lockdown in London

I’m under no impression that anyone reads this website like a blog, but nevertheless, I feel like sending a little message out in this particular bottle. These are truly strange times for us all, and horrible ones for a lot of people. I’m feeling especially grateful for the good things I have, both tangible and less so. Mum and I are hunkered down for the duration, being extra careful due to my being vulnerable.

I’ve been reading a lot around what we can or should make of this time at home, with so many reminders on social media that Shakespeare wrote Lear during the last plague etc. I’ve particularly enjoyed Vicky Spratt’s great piece against the pressure to be productive:

There’s an irony in the fact that when, for so many of us, our ability to be productive has suddenly been taken away by circumstances beyond our control, we still feel the need to account for our time. Perhaps it should come as no surprise.

As for myself I’m trying to be gentle and kind to myself. This is not a holiday, nor is it downtime in which I should expect the level of achievement I might from an equivalent amount of normal free time. These are exceptional circumstances and should be treated as such.

I’ve been really interested to learn a bit more about how our brains are dealing with these experiences, and why lots of people are experiencing eg disproportionate lethargy.

I’ve loved TEDx’s series Conversations Beyond Borders, where the host discusses the situation in-depth with bright people in various fields, whose expertise illuminates the pandemic and government/personal responses in interesting, often left-field and always well-informed and well-expressed ways. It’s a tonic to the endless news cycle.

As for my career, Milky Peaks was in tech when Theatr Clwyd made the call to close the theatre, only a few days from our first night. My next job, which hadn’t been announced yet, has been postponed for next year. An Edinburgh Fringe plan in the pipeline and several other of my projects have been put on varying degrees of ice. The BC team had the heartbreak this week of confirming Brainchild Festival’s postponement til 2021, with all the financial and operational instabilities that come with that.

I have been lucky enough to explore some new avenues of creativity however, both professionally - recording an audiobook from home was an interesting challenge - and less so - I made my first ever stop-motion movie for a friend’s birthday and took a Zoom calligraphy class with my Mum. I’m being in my body and taking a looser grip on time. I’m drawing on internal resources and being happy to find them there, while also failing at a lot of things. I imagine we all are.

Communities like Shotgun Carousel and Pecs are proving wonderfully useful in keeping me creative and accountable in a supportive way, as well as bringing a smile to my face every week. We’re determined to find ways to bring people together from afar, and our communities are strong. This is especially important for LGBTQIA+ folks for whom “home” may be a fraught or unsafe environment, or who are away from their usual support networks.

There’s a lot of uncertainty ahead, even more than is normal for an actor, which is saying something! But I’m already feeling the push-back, the love flowing, the ideas bubbling, the frustrations ready to bloom into creations… our time will come again, I just know it.

All of which is really to say love, solidarity, and watch this space…